...posted by David Jacks...
Eric Wright, Brandon McDonald, Sean Jones and Brodney Pool you have been fairly warned. Corey Williams, your own teammate, does not like you, in fact he may loathe you. On Tuesday Williams may have inadvertently put a contract out on their heads when he said this:
“Once you go to putting that wood on him, go to really hitting him, not letting him run wild like he wants to do, he’s a totally different running back. He’ll start tiptoeing, shutting it down. (If our defense can) come out and hit (Jacobs) in the mouth from the jump, he tends to slow down and do some tiptoeing.”
Brandon Jacobs is a Ginormous man (A Scientific term referring to a man who is 6′4” 264 pounds) who feasts on corners and safeties for a living, or maybe just for fun, or maybe just because he gets hungry out there. You would think Corey Williams of all people would remember this. After all, It was Williams who witnessed first hand one of Jacobs most famous sit down dinners. On the first play from scrimmage in the NFC championship game, Jacobs broke right, whipped out his beloved Kraft ranch dressing, drizzled some on Charles Woodson, and then devoured him whole. In case you didn’t see it, think of Jon Voigt getting swallowed in Anaconda, and if you didn’t see that, well then, you’re just not trying are you? In the Superbowl, Jacobs thought better of chomping on safety Brandon Merriweather, and instead flicked him five feet in the air with his pinkie finger. On opening night of 08, Jacobs took out a bottle of Franks Red Hot, poured it on Leron Landry, and finished him off with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Imagine playing football and suddenly you realize a Giant amongst men is pouring hot sauce on you, that has to be disturbing. Perhaps when Williams refers to “tip toeing” or “shutting it down,” he means hitting a guy so bone – crunchingly hard that an entire stadium of 60,000 fans reacts with a synchronized “oooooooooohhhhhh my god, that guy may be dead.”
Defensive tackles are rarely in the flat, one on one with a running back, but you can be sure that between Jones, Wright, Pool and McDonald (maybe Adams as well) one of them will have to answer for Williams’s comments. My advice, go low, or you will end up becoming a permanent part of Cleveland Browns stadium.
We need to come up with a new stat for every time Jacobs makes a defensive player look as though he is a new born, being tossed in the air by daddy. Wait a minute, didn’t Micheal Jackson toss his baby before dangling him out a window…yep that seems equivalent, the “blanket” it is. My guess is Williams’s comments leads to at least 2 “blankets. (I am taking suggestions if anyone has something better)”
The Browns offense has been treated like a green – horn aboard the deck of the Cornelia Marie, why? What happened to the Browns offense of 07′? They were 8th in total yards from scrimmage. Well, here is one answer, the schedule has been rough. They have faced the Cowboys, Steelers, Ravens and Bengals. Alright the latter is not so rough, but Baltimore boast the NFL’s number one rated defense and the Steelers clock in at number 2. This week the Giants bring the third rated defense to town.
Another reason is personnel. Without, newly acquired Donte Stallworth (back this week), teams are doubling Braylon Edwards, who seems to have dropped more passes then he has caught. Just when the Browns get a weapon back, another goes down. Kellen Winslow has been in the hospital for 2 straight nights with an undisclosed illness and is in danger of missing this weeks game.
This week we will get an upclose look at the strange phenomenon that is ex Patriot coaches who appear to be storing fat for the winter. Charlie Weis definitely has the upper hand. He keeps his strange storage unit right above his groin, but slightly below his stomach. No doubt, Weis learnt his fat storing strategey from his mentor Bill Parcells who also rocks the stuffed mango’s in the pants look. Romeo Crennel goes with the more classic all over look. Although he seems to store much of his weight in his face, where it appears as if he has wedged two Mcgriddles in both his cheeks. It is also worth noting that Charlie Manuel seems to be lobbying for a job on the Pats coaching staff. Manuel goes with the most classic look, pregnancy, or keg in the stomach. Alright back to actual football.
Perhaps Williams was just trying to fire up his teammates, but I am guessing they wish he hadn’t, because the guy he did fire up…well we went over this…he’s insanely large. While the Browns have revamped their passing defense, allowing only 187 yards per game, their run defense is still a weakness, despite adding Joba the hut to nose tackle. Joba also goes by Big Baby or Sean Rogers. If Brandon doesn’t run well “that kid Bradshaw,” as Williams refers to him, will. Does anyone realize just how fresh Plaxico Burress should be. Due to a bye week, and his suspension, he has been off for nearly three weeks. I expect him to welcome himself back with a monster day, tip toeing all over Cleavland’s secondary. Giants 24 Browns 17