I know, I know, the title alone makes me want to noose myself but it will all make sense soon.  Ask not what the Giants can do for you, rather what can you do for the Giants. (I just thought of that, it’s a totally original quote.) Someone just asked me how I spent my New Years. I spent it honoring the Giants, here’s a quick glimpse.

I met an owner of a bar in Union Square (NYC for the laymen or those of you who don’t study maps of NYC as a hobby. Weirdos) the night before and he took a shining to me and my newest lady. He invited us to be his guests for New Years. Having never been invited as an owner’s guest anywhere, and being exceedingly thrifty, I thought it would be best if we had some cheap drinks before-hand in case being a guest meant paying full price for everything. Ginormous mistake. Upon entering the bar, the owner (who I will refer to as Doc, mainly because he is a doctor)  immediately waived the 150 dollar cover, (perk number 1). Doc then told me that all drinks were on him, just take care of the bartender (perk number 2, and really there are no other perks on New Years).

I ordered a dirty martini for me and the lady, put down 50 bucks, and with that my fate was sealed. The moment a martini was finished another was placed in front of us, not to mention doc was buying us shots in between each drink. By 11pm I was 6 martinis and 4 shots deep and that is when I started an unhealthy obsession with mentioning Eli Manning.  No matter what was said to me I responded with a quip about Eli (the fact that I chose Eli is most disturbing as he is far from my favorite player).

Here are 2 quick examples:

Upon finishing a shot of Patron, Doc asked me how I liked it.

Me: “Eli can do like 15 shots without blinking.”
Doc :  “Is that good?”
Me :  “No idea, but one time Eli and Peyton took down 3 bottles of Jack, Eli Drank 2 and a half, Peyton finished half and threw up. Eli never even blinked.”
Doc : “Is blinking a concern in the NFL?”
Me : “No idea, Eli never blinks.”

Unhealthy obsession example Number 2:

My lady asked me to dance and this is what I came up with as a response:  “Eli once did the robot and someone next to him exploded. After seeing this Eli did the worm all they way out of the bar and back to his apartment.” After that final Eli quip, my lady (I can’t say my lady again, its starting to get creepy,  her name is Natalie) said “if you love the Giants and Eli so much, prove it.”

Prove it I did.

In a drunken stupor we wandered into Duane Reade and bought some hair dye. I am proud to say my nether regions are now bright blue in homage to Big Blue. As Adam Sandler would say,  ”its a veritable forest down there.” In my case a blue forest.

What have you done for the Giants lately?