Boneheaded Recap: Week 17
So the Giants lost a meaningless game to the Vikings. Big deal. 12-4 is more aesthetically pleasing than 13-3 anyway, and 13 is bad luck. If anything, I’m glad we lost that game.
Even with the loss, the Giants sent a message that they can beat you with their backups, or at least almost beat you. David Carr looked like a first overall pick, Darcy Johnson looked like Tony Gonzalez, Mario Manningham looked like he was born to run the slant pattern and Danny Ware looked like he could take over as the third running back next year if the Giants do not re-sign both of Brandon Jacobs and Derrick Ward.
Overall, I’d say this game went about as good as possible, and besides the Sam Madison injury, there isn’t much to talk about. So instead of recapping a meaningless game, I will announce the 2008 All-Bonehead Team! Like a fantasy football roster, the All-Bonehead Team consists of 1 Quarter Back, 3 Wide Receivers, 2 Running Backs, 1 Tight End, 1 Kicker and 1 Team Defense.
The 2008 All-Bonehead Team!
QB- Donovan McNabb (PHI)- The voting for the QB position ended in a tie, between McNabb and Lions QB Dan Orlovsky, who accidentally ran out of the end zone while scrambling to make a pass, resulting in a safety. Luckily for McNabb, the All-Bonehead team voting cannot end in a tie.
WR- Terrell Owens (DAL)- I would list all of the reasons for Owens to be on this team, but I have a 50,000 word limit. TO has a permanent roster spot until he retires.
WR- Plaxico Burress (NYG)- I don’t remember exactly what he did to belong on this team, but that can be blamed on the lack of media coverage. I think it had something to do with an unlicensed handgun, a nightclub and a Hamburglar costume, but my memory is a bit foggy.
WR- DeSean Jackson (PHI)- Flipped the ball away in celebration of a touchdown he would have scored had he not flipped the ball away. This would have been embarrassing, but not necessarily boneheaded, had he not done the same thing when he was in college.
EDIT: The play I was referring to actually occurred in High School. This time he actually did a flip and landed 1 yard short of the end zone before fumbling the ball. Thanks to ‘NYGiants044′ for the clarification. If you haven’t seen these videos before, this is a must watch.
RB- Larry Johnson (KC)- Recorded his fourth career arrest in 2008 (which I believe is a new franchise record) for spitting his drink in a woman’s face at a nightclub. He also managed to be suspended by the team for a handful of games for reasons unrelated to the drink spitting incident.
RB- Cedric Benson (CIN)- Waived by the Bears after being arrested for driving while intoxicated. This came one month after being arrested for operating a boat while intoxicated. After his release, he of course signed with the Bengals, who quickly fitted him with the orange jump suit that is their team uniform. They call it Cin City for a reason.
TE- Jeremy Shockey (NO)- Admittedly, it was a weak crop this year at Tight End. But Shockey made the team on the strength of his heated verbal exchange with the friendly-seeming Drew Brees. Basically demanding a trade from the Super Bowl Champs did not help his case either. Shockey failed to score a touchdown and finished the year with a career low 483 yards on the #1 passing offense in the league, and with a QB who came 16 yards short of the single-season passing yards record.
K- Adam Reynolds (BLV)- Reynolds was found guilty of selling inaccurate dictionaries to children who speak English as a second language (I couldn’t think of any kicker that deserved to be on this team so I made one up).
DEF- Dallas Cowboys (DAL)- When in doubt, go with Dallas. As Corner Back Terrance Newman said, “they are a coward,” referring to the big personality players who cause controversy and split the locker room apart. No one ever said he had all-pro grammar.
The list of names goes on and on. Tank Johnson (illegal gun possession) Roy L. Williams (plays so dirty that he had the “horse collar” rule named after him…his legal name is “Horse L. Collar”), Bobby Carpenter (somehow manages to tolerate Skip Bayless while guest starring on ESPN’s 1st and 10). And I haven’t even mentioned Pacman Jones. Just like the video game character he was named after, Jones is constantly haunted by his own personal demons. But unlike the four multi-colored ghosts (Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde) that haunt the real Pacman, Pacman Jones cannot make his troubles go away by eating a power pellet.
“There were a lot of personalities put on this team and we didn’t jell,” linebacker Bradie James said. That same day, James was involved in an altercation with a fan in which he ripped up his sign and broke his glasses. He would eventually donate his own Oakley’s to the heartbroken fan.
Bonehead of the Week: Dallas Cowboys WR Roy E. Williams
The luckiest guy in the NFL? Dallas Cowboys WR Roy Williams. Traded at the deadline from the sinking ship that was the Detroit Lions to the seemingly playoff bound Cowboys. Flash forward to week 17. The Lions are about to become the single worst team in NFL history while the Cowboys are one win away from making the playoffs. So Roy Williams should be thankful that he narrowly escaped being on the first team to ever go 0-16, and should be focused on putting his team first and clinching the final playoff spot, right?
Come on, this is the Cowboys we’re talking about.
On the eve of the most important game of his career, ESPN reported that Williams was causing even more controversy in the Cowboys locker room by complaining about his role in the offense. Whether or not Williams’ complaints were the reason that Tony Romo forced the ball to him on a number of occasions (resulting in incompletions, and interception and two receptions for four yards), I will never know. And even if Williams had caught every ball thrown to him, the Cowboys still would not have won that game. But this situation is a microcosm of the entire Cowboys season.
People have said that this trade has turned out to be a huge mistake by the Cowboys, but I think they are wrong; Roy Williams fits in perfectly with the character of this team. His me-first attitude is what caused the most talented team in football to implode and miss the playoffs altogether.
Also, shame on ESPN for wasting time and space on their “bottom line” with this nonsense. There are 32 teams in the NFL, but you can be sure that if someone on the Cowboys orders a soup and gets a salad, ESPN will report it.
And while we’re on the topic of ESPN, I’d like to extend my gratitude to ESPN the Magazine for using logic and common sense. There were two covers for the latest issue; one featuring the Titans’ D-line, the other featuring the Giants’ O-line. Obviously, being that I live in New York, ESPN sends me the cover featuring the team from Tennessee and not the team that I would logically be a fan of.
This is reminiscent of when they sent me the cover featuring Seattle Mariner Felix Hernandez instead of New York Met David Wright. I can only assume that this is a tactic to make me go out and buy another copy of the magazine I am already subscribed to. Consider my subscription canceled.
HAPPY NEW YEARS!
