Boneheaded Recap: Week 15
Although the 20-8 score indicates a fairly competitive game, the Giants were outplayed in every aspect. Still, they were just one missed tackle away from a last minute drive with a chance to win it. Although the offense had been stagnant all game, one has to wonder if Eli Manning could have orchestrated another magical comeback. As Mr. Owl would say, “the world may never know.”
The Giants have now gone 2 straight games without scoring an offensive touchdown. It was nine quarters ago that Brandon Jacobs hovered into the end zone from a yard out. Yes, Manning had a garbage-time touchdown pass to Darcy Johnson against the Eagles, but by then, everyone had turned the game off, and I don’t count stats that no one saw happen. It’s like the old phrase: “If a tree scores a touchdown in the forest, and no one is around to see it, does it still count for the tree’s season statistics?”
With the way Eli Manning has thrown the past two games, the Giants may want to start looking elsewhere for a replacement. A good choice would be the Iraqi shoe thrower (I wonder how many people have already made this joke…) The Iraqi reporter, Muntadar al-Zaidi (a.k.a. Johnny Shoethrower) showed good accuracy (yes, he went 0-2 but both passes were catchable), arm strength (even with a defender pulling him to the ground, his pass was still strong) and escapability (the difference is escapability… he somehow managed to elude the sack, pull off his second shoe and throw it before getting knocked down by the foreign press’ terrific pass rush).
- Thank God Tashard Choice is not on the Giants; one game of hearing announcers make hilarious jokes about his name is enough. “What a great choice to cut it back inside…he was a great choice in the NFL draft; a fourth round choice…I’d say that he is one of the choiciest running backs in all of choiceball.” Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
- It’s the good ship lollipop!
- Thanks to a Swiss cheese performance by the offensive line, DeMarcus Ware is now 4 sacks away from breaking Michael Strahan’s age-old sack record (What? Seven is an age). My prediction is that he sacks Joe Flacco three times in week 16, and then goes sackless in week 17 for 59 minutes, until Donovan McNabb takes a dive and allows Ware to fall on top of him. McNabb will then drive to Giants stadium to stand on the sideline waving to Giants fans. McNabb and Ware will then hold hands and take a bow in every direction.
- With Ruben Droughns now out for the season, Madison Hedgecock will assume his role as “Heart” in the Giants Captain Planet backfield. This is more fitting anyway, as he is the heart and soul of the offense. He is also a farmhand (not making that up), so he represents America’s heartland. We can call him ‘Madison Heartcock.’
- Did anyone else watch ESPN’s re-broadcast of “The Greatest Game Ever Played” (the 1958 championship game between the Giants and Colts) thinking it was this weeks Giants game? I was confused as to why the picture was a little grainy and why the color was off, but I chalked it up to the fact that I don’t see in HD. I was all ready to blog about how Frank Gifford is the perfect injury fill-in for Brandon Jacobs when I heard Chris Berman’s signature missed tackle noise (you know the one) and realized I was not watching a live game.
And now, here’s a bunch of Pro Bowl snubs I forgot to mention in my “pro bowl snub” post:
Matt Ryan (QB- ATL) – a 90.0 QB rating as a rookie.
John Abraham (DE- ATL)- 3rd in the NFL with 15.5 sacks.
Aaron Rodgers (QB- GB)- No, he shouldn’t have made it to the Pro Bowl, but he makes my list because following Brett Favre is a tough act, and he has been the better QB this year.
Domenik Hixon (KR- NYG)- Leads all kick returners in amount of times written about by me. Averages 201 return yards in games he is allowed to return kickoffs (one).
Jeremy Shockey (TE- NO)- Leads all tight ends with 446 receiving yards (not counting the 13 tight ends with more receiving yards, such as teammate Billy Miller). He also has 2 more fumbles than touchdowns. He has 2 fumbles.
Terrell Owens (WR- DAL)- He should be the AFC’s starting safety, if only because he would get to cover Jason Witten. Ratings would be through the roof.
Brandon Jacobs (RB- NYG)- Because I am afraid of what he will do to me if I don’t say he should have made the Pro Bowl.
Wade Phillips (COACH- DAL)- Has been far and away the best coach this season; should be allowed to play his choice of position in the Pro Bowl. Phillips is re-defining the coaching position; look for a picture of his Hall of Fame Bust to one day appear next to Merriam-Webster’s definition of the word “coach.”
Matt Jones (WR- JAX)- A true team player; waited until after the Jaguars were eliminated before serving his 3-game suspension for cocaine possession.
Javon Walker (WR-OAK)- Deserves a spot in the Pro Bowl for somehow tricking Al Davis into giving him a six-year $55 million contract, including $16 million guaranteed. As it is possible that he will never play football again, this deal could turn out to be roughly $1 million per reception.
DeSean Jackson (WR- PHI)- Hasn’t done anything boneheaded/ detrimental to his team in ten straight weeks; a new personal record.
Every Detroit Lions Fan- Because no one can be suicidal in Hawaii.
Bonehead of the Week: Eagles corner back Asante Samuel
Samuel is best remembered as the overpaid and overrated corner back who dropped a sure Eli Manning interception that would have sealed a New England Patriots Super Bowl and perfect season. On Monday night, during the Eagles’ trouncing of the hapless Cleveland Browns, Samuel picked off a pass at midfield from the noodle-armed Ken Dorsey. After returning it 49 yards and 2 feet, Samuel pulled a Desean Jackson and flipped the ball over the goal line in celebration. He quickly picked the ball back up, but the refs decided not to call it a fumble anyway (probably because most people had already turned off the game, so as we now know, the stat wouldn’t have counted anyway). For re-enacting DeSean Jackson’s boneheadery, and for stealing a Pro Bowl roster spot away from someone more deserving, Asante Samuel is your Week 15 Bonehead of the Week!
