Note to the reader: I had this whole awesome essay typed out about how the demise of the economy has led to a decrease in QB scrambling, and how global warming is affecting the west coast offense, but then my gun slipped down my pants and I accidentally shot through my hard drive. Instead, we are stuck with another boring edition of the Boneheaded Recap.

Once or twice a year, an “off the field” sports story comes around that captures the attention of the national media; a sports story that sucks up precious minutes of ESPN airtime and deprives poor sports fans of real sports highlights and insight. In past years, Michael Vick and Pacman Jones have caused such media frenzies. This year, New York sports fans should consider themselves lucky. The Stephon Marbury soap opera has finally given the New York sports scene some much deserved spotlight.

And now on to football!

I refuse to waste time or space talking about the recent incident involving an unnamed Giants player and a hand gun. This is a football site, and we will talk about just that, not legal matters or gun control etc. As much as it pains me to waste my hilarious “adding insult to injury” line, I’m not going to say anything about this off the field story. Just football.

• Eli Manning had his first 300 yard passing game of the season and now has a QB rating that is 6 points higher than his big brother Peyton’s and 91.3 points higher than his bigger brother Cooper’s. There is even some talk around the internet about Manning taking home the MVP award. Manning handled the blitz action well and was able to gauge the defense and find his receivers. He had an excellent release trigger and was able to rifle the ball past the safeties. He gets great elevation on throws, and for a player of his caliber to not choke in the big spots shows that he is truly something special. Boom!
  
  
• The Giants defensive backfield continues to impress. Michael Johnson had 9 tackles and Kenny Phillips could probably cover any wide receiver in the league, even if he had a gun shot wound in his thigh (it’s an expression). In addition, Aaron Ross and Corey Webster each intercepted bullets from the gun that is Jason Campbell’s arm (I count stats that were wiped away by bad calls).

• Great job by Jeff Feagles and John Carney to adjust to a bad snap on the first extra point attempt. Carney hesitated until Feagles could get the snap down and then knocked it through the uprights while standing still. These two wise old men know that you have to make the best of whatever situation comes your way. It’s like I always say, when life gives you lemons, drink alcohol instead and then shoot yourself in the leg with a handgun (it’s a phrase that has been the victim of poor translation over the years).

• Steve Smith was recently robbed at gunpoint, something that never would have happened if he was one of the millions of responsible Americans who owned a gun. Seriously, I don’t understand where these athletes get off not owning guns. Haven’t they ever seen the Public Service Announcement about how “all football players should own a handgun” so that they can “live alone without ever being alone”? Besides, guns are a status symbol and can be used in place of “bling” or “ice” to show that you have truly “arrived.” I just don’t understand some athletes these days.

• Other things I noticed this week: Derrick Ward (1001 total yards) is the first Giants running back to reach quadruple digits (Jacobs has 981 total yards). The Giants cannot stop trick plays in which a rookie wide receiver ends up running the ball. Refs make bad calls both ways. Jesus Christ can walk on water but Brandon Jacobs can walk on air. Brandon Jacobs: 1, Jesus Christ: 4,327,120.
  

Bonehead of the Week: Giants WR Plaxico Burress

Plaxico Burress missed Sunday’s game against the Redskins with a sore hamstring. Plaxico must have aggravated this injury by practicing too much during the week, something he has been known to do throughout his career. Not only did he strain his hammy, but for practicing too hard and putting his team before himself, Plaxico Burress is this week’s Bonehead of the week! Talk about adding insult to injury! Zing!