It was sometime between Brandon Jacobs’ opening 36 yard run and Ahmad Bradshaw’s 77 yard scamper that something wonderful dawned on me: the laws of science do not apply to the New York Giants.

All week long, people were talking about what would happen when an unstoppable force (the Giants’ run offense) met an immovable object (the Ravens’ run defense), as per the classic paradox. During the week, my good friend Dr. Scientist told me that no force is completely unstoppable, and there is no such thing as an immovable object, as even a minuscule force will cause a slight acceleration on an object of any mass.

I love using science to prove a point as much as the next guy, but there are some areas in which science cannot be applied. I smiled and graciously thanked my friend for offering his view. What I didn’t explain to him was the fact that all science goes out the window when you see a 500 pound man-beast named Brandon Jacobs flying at you at 95 miles per hour (it’s my article, I have the right to use hyperbole…that would be a cool college football bowl…The Hyper Bowl…).

• I was re-watching plays from the game, and after Brandon Jacobs tossed all pro safety Ed Reed onto the ground like a used rag and rumbled for a first down, Ravens coach Jim Harbaugh was shown looking like he was about to cry. I re-watched the clip to make sure, and my suspicions were confirmed; Jacobs’ powers have now evolved to a point where he can cause people to cry without even touching them.

• What more is there to say about Jacobs than has already been said? The guy puts up 70 yards and 2 touchdowns in one quarter against the #1 rush defense in the NFL before allegedly leaving the game with an injured knee. Because I do not accept the fact that Brandon Jacobs can get injured, I will assume that he actually stayed in the game and finished at the same pace he had set in the first quarter. In this case, Jacobs ran for roughly 280 yards and 8 touchdowns, a single game record.

• What makes Jacobs’ record setting performance even more impressive is the fact that it was against a team allowing 65.4 rush yards per game. Just to be fair, let’s make it so that this performance actually came against the Lions, who are allowing 2.6 times as many rush yards per game as the Ravens. I can now extrapolate Jacobs’ stats to discover that he actually ran for roughly 730 yards and 21 touchdowns, another new record!

• Speaking of Jacobs’ alleged injury, a precautionary MRI has shown no structural damage. Still, I have drawn Brandon Jacobs a personal “get well soon” card just in case.

• It wasn’t just the Brandon Jacobs show on Sunday, as Derrick Ward added 95 combined yards (41 rushing, 54 receiving) and Ahmad Bradshaw chipped in for 96 rush yards of his own (including a 77 yard run in which Ray Lewis feel flat on his face in a state of shock over Bradshaw’s cutback ability). In terms of yardage gained, it was the first time both “Wind” and “Fire” overtook “Earth.” Wind and Fire overtaking Earth…Is this some sort of symbolic foreshadowing of the horrific post-global warming world we will soon inhabit? I can only assume it is. And off I go to invent a fireproof windbreaker!

Bonehead of the Week: Eagles QB Donovan McNabb

This is an easy one.

Somehow, after being in the league since 1999 (only 2 years after the Eagles’ last tie), and even though there was a tie in 2002, Donovan McNabb was still unaware that an NFL game could end in a tie.

Did he think that there would be a shootout, ala the NHL? Or maybe there would be a dash for the football, ala the XFL? Maybe he thought the game would be decided by a Boss-off (Don’t know what that is? That’s your own fault). Or maybe when McNabb said he didn’t know the NFL had ties, what he was actually confused about was the existence of officially licensed NFL neck ties.

“It’s part of the rules, and we have to go with it. I was looking forward to getting the opportunity to get out there and try to drive to win the game. But unfortunately, with the rules, we settled with a tie. I never knew in the professional ranks it would end that way. I hate to see what happens in the Super Bowl and I hate to see what happens in the playoffs.”

I don’t even know what to say about this. Donovan McNabb is so misguided…does he actually think the Eagles are making the playoffs?