It’s hard to be angry after a win like that.

Aside from a few ticky tack penalties, there really wasn’t anything not to like about the Giants’ performance in Sunday’s game against the Seattle Seahawks. It was the best I’ve seen the Giants look since their 41-0 dismantling of the Minnesota Vikings in the 2000 NFC Championship game.

While this is all well and good, it makes my job of boneheadedly complaining about stuff that much harder. Because of this, I will water down this week’s episode by stealthily interspersing random thoughts between the few actual game notes. But don’t worry, you won’t even notice the difference.

• Most people thought we’d beat the Seahawks, despite the absence of Plaxico Burress. But I don’t think any among us could have predicted the type of slaughtering that occurred (a 5 on the slaughterhouse scale). The beating got so bad that Seahawks are now listed on the endangered animals list. Seriously, though, you shouldn’t joke about that.

• Wouldn’t it be cool if you could go back in time and visit your favorite moments in history? If I could go back to any point in time, I’d go back to when they filled the Leaning Tower of Pizza with all that pizza and say “Hey, don’t do that. It’s gonna tilt over.” Then I’d get lots of free pizza.

• If the injury to Kareem McKenzie will cause him to miss any time, maybe the Giants can employ Kimbo Slice as their new Right Tackle; Eli Manning could do good things with 14 seconds of protection. Also, I wanted an excuse to use this exclusive picture I found of Kimbo from his days as a bum (homeless person).

• What is Ronald McDonald up to these days? You can’t even turn on the TV without seeing the creepy Burger King or that little ginger Wendy telling us that she doesn’t like gray areas in her chicken. But where the expletive is Ronald McDonald? To answer this question, I took out my Nancy Drew Detective Kit and started sleuthing. What I found was astonishing: it’s really hard to get people to answer questions when you’re holding a magnifying glass and wearing a miniskirt.

• Eli Manning may be the most improved player in the NFL. Without his #1 receiver, Eli managed to put up 267 yards and 2 touchdowns. This season, Eli has distributed the ball to eleven receivers and his six touchdown passes have all been to different teammates. Eli’s greatest development may be his increased ability to share the ball, and we all know that sharing is equal to caring. However, in that commercial they always show during the games, that guy who chest bumps Eli also traded him in his fantasy league. This leads me to wonder if this dude knows something that we don’t. Maybe we ought to sell high on Manning, like the guy in the commercial did.

• I was looking at that famous Cassius Coolidge painting of dogs playing poker the other day, and I just have a hard time buying it. I understand that you are supposed to suspend disbelief in situations like this, but I just can’t imagine a circumstance in which seven dogs of different color and breed would be able to get together in a friendly game of poker. Not in today’s day and age. But I must admit, Mr. Coolidge, I too dream of a world in which a Beagle and a Dalmatian can walk hand in hand down the streets without getting a dirty look from a pretentious Husky. A day in which Pug and Collie can share a drink, catch a movie, and yes, play a game of poker. But in a society that claims to be colorblind…well, you get where I’m going with this.

• Sinorice Moss would not enjoy Disney Land.
  

• One time in class, the teacher asked a question and I raised my hand to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, the answer to the question she asked was “I have to go to the bathroom,” so my wish to use the restroom was not granted, due to this miscommunication. You’d be surprised how long the nickname Pee Pants Pete can follow you, especially when you’re name isn’t even Pete.

• Steve Smith‘s shoe fell off during the game, remember? That was kind of funny.

• It has come to my attention that it is actually the “Leaning Tower of Pisa.” Although I am greatly disappointed with this new development, I will soldier on and pick a new favorite moment in history. I would instead go back in time to the Roman Empire to watch the gladiator fights. I’d then warn Russell Crowe’s character of the dangers that lie ahead, and successfully coach him through each fight, culminating in a 148-0 career record and the undisputed world heavyweight championship. I really think that Mr. Crowe and I would get along quite nicely.

• Football!

• Oh, it turned out Ronald McDonald died of a massive heart attack caused by a clogged artery. McDonalds’ interim spokesman Grimace Goldberg issued a report that Mr. McDonald’s death was not related to eating McDonalds’ hamurgers, but that Mr. McDonald collapsed after reaching the “Hamburglar’s Hideout” level of McKids, only to have the NES freeze (if you get this reference, I am very sorry for you).

• When compared to the average age of football players, one will find that both John Carney and Jeff Feagles are relatively old.

• Like all of you, I sometimes have some extra time on my hands. Also like all of you, I took a test to see which “Girls Next Door” girl I was. Here are the real-time results:
  “Which Girls Next Door girlfriend are you?
  Holly
  You are a perfect girly-girl. You can do it all–Wonderwoman! Party planning, Education, Designing, and keeping your man happy at the same time! Congrads!”
  Talk about a self esteem boost!

Bonehead of the Week: Danny Ware

Also known as “Water,” Danny Ware is a member of the Giants’ 5-headed backfield of “Earth, Wind, Fire, Water and Heart.” Last week, Ware was arrested for “pedestrian under the influence” after celebrating his alma matter Alabama’s loss. I’m all for liquoring up after the big loss, but come on Danny. Real men get DUIs.