Five Keys to Beating the Bye Week
Every week this season, I have given in depth keys to assist the Giants in defeating their opponent. From the toughest of the tough, to the St. Louis Rams, I have been there to help point the team in the right direction. But this week, the Giants face an opponent fiercer than any other: the Bye Week.
The Giants have played the Bye Week every year since 1990, and still have yet to come away with a victory. It is no overstatement to say that the odds are stacked against them. But with these 5 keys, not only can the Giants beat the Bye Week, but maybe you can too.
1. Read a Book
In the primitive days, before there was television, mankind used to write down shows using words. Although there are no cool chase scenes, explosions, or nudity, books can be used as a cheap substitute for TV during re-run season. Books can still be found at your local Amish town store.
2. Watch Hockey
You don’t have to be Canadian to watch hockey anymore (although it is strongly recommended)! The NHL pre-season is just starting up, and the three local teams could all be in store for great seasons (statistically speaking, teams have a better chance of making the playoffs than not). If you like hockey, you know how exciting and action packed it can be. If you don’t like hockey, you can always tape a piece of green cellophane to the screen and drink until you think its football.
2a. Drink Until You Think Everything is Football
This one is self explanatory
3. Invent Your Own Sport
I like to play a game called “Tackle Chess Ball.” It’s half chess, half tackle football! More accurately, it’s just football played on a chess board. Games don’t last very long.
4. Get to Know Your Chinese Uprisings!
We all know that the White Lotus Rebellion was an anti-Manchu uprising that occurred during the Qing Dynasty. But did you know that it wasn’t until the Jiaqing Emperor overthrew the Heshen Clique that the uprising was truly stifled? See? Learning can be fun! This sort of educational information can be found on Wikipedia or even in a book* (*see above).
5. Have a Baby
With all the time you’ll spend caring for the little bugger, football will be the last thing on your mind. And after a week, you can return the kid for store credit, just in time for the Seahawks game!
