College is often called “the best years of your life.” It is a time for education. But the mixture of youth, co-ed dorms, and alcohol can overwhelm even the most disciplined party-goers. During my sophomore year of college I attended a mandatory symposium on the dangers of Alcohol. They passed out a survey called “Is AA for you?” According to the survey everyone I knew, including myself, was not only an alcoholic, but we were borderline insane.

To question number six on the survey “have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?” My friend Fran answered, “does eating three blocks of swiss cheese while wearing a traffic cone on your head, completely naked, count?

To question number two, “do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking– stop telling you what to do? My friend EB responded “you mean like the demons in my head, or are they talking about actual people?

Finally, to question number 9 “do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want, even though you keep getting drunk when you don’t mean to?” My friend Q responded, “how does that work? Is that like the time I accidentally played seven games of beer pong and made out with the cleaning lady?” No doubt we enjoyed college life a bit too much.

As we grow older the drinking is no longer an issue (unless the Mets give up another 7 run lead), but other addictions have arisen. For my friends and I, the main culprit is sports. I thought I should take the time to right up a similar survey for those of you out there who feel overwhelmed. Here is a survey called “I might just be addicted to my team.” If you answer yes to any of these questions you may have a problem.

1 ) Have you ever assumed a ritual, you or a friend performed, won a game for your team? During Superbowl 42 my friend gshep stood up behind the couch to get a beer and Kevin Boss immediately caught a 45 yard pass. We made him stay there the rest of the game, final score Giants 17, Patriots 14. Coincidence? Unlikely. My friend faz made his wife eat subway sandwiches everyday during the subway series of 2000, which must have combated my playoff mustache, because the Yankees triumphed. I hate Jared and his BMT sandwich.

2 ) Have you ever thrown a baseball through your 37 inch flat screen LCD Vizio television, breaking it for life? No? Nobody? Really? Whatever! It was an accident.! You’re not better then me! OK you probably are.

3 ) Have you ever convinced yourself that you must watch a game in a certain location? These words were uttered to me during the Giants run of road victories in 2007 by my friend “the neck.” “Guy, they have won every playoff game since I started watching from my toilet. It’s not weird. I can see it through a mirror. Whatever! Don’t judge me. Just be happy I’m on my toilet and they keep winning.” I was happy, and he better be on his toilet Thursday, September 4th.

4 ) Have you ever dreamt of kidnapping a rival player? If so, do not see Celtic Pride. A better idea may be sending a “call girl” to an opponents room, a regular ploy pulled off by Lawrence Taylor, the greatest linebacker of all time and apparently a genius as well.

5 ) Have you ever labelled your wife/girlfriend bad luck while watching a game? Let it be known that I do not think my ex is “the Antichrist of luck,” but I may have uttered those words during Eli Manning‘s 4 interception game against the Vikings in 2007.

6 ) Do you play out every upcoming game on your gaming console (Madden I hope)? No? Good. Me neither. I am almost 30, I don’t have time for that infantile nonsense. Fine, I already finished my year, rushed for 2,400 yards with Brandon Jacobs, 8 picks for Kenny Phillips, and guess what? Superbowl champs once again. Final score Giants 47, San Diego 10, Coincidence? Lets hope not.

7 ) Have you ever told a good friend, who is also a rival fan, that you hoped their team died on the plane ride over……its just a survey. I never said I meant them all. Fine, I am going to hell, I get it.

8 ) Have you ever missed a major life event (wedding, funeral, bar mitzvah, christening..etc) to watch a game? I’m not even sure this makes you a die hard fan, but apparently my girlfriend does not agree. In my defense I was at the ceremony and at the bar during the reception. And by bar I mean the hooters across the street with a 42 inch plasma. Giants 21, Bears 16. Coincidence? I think not.

9 ) Have you ever missed work to go to a game? Again this is a right of passion. But doing it for every afternoon game during baseball season gets you fired. I was never cut out for corporate America anyway.

10 ) Have you ever named a kid after your favorite player? I am sorry but Laura Taylor is a great name, and it happens to coincide with the greatest initials of all time. I have no kids, but I also believe Ewing, Reyes and Kiwi would make fine names for a boy or girl. “Kiwi get mommy a US weekly so daddy can watch the game,” yep that sounds good.

If you answered yes to any of these questions you may have a problem. I know I do.